This content has been syndicated from JA Konrath:
Perhaps they left you a snotty book review. Maybe they attacked you instead of your book. Maybe they didn’t even read the book.
Perhaps they trolled your blog, or tried to engage you in a flame war in a forum, or misquoted you or lied about you.
If so, welcome to the Internet, where people write things they’d never say to your face, and anonymity makes the weakest coward brave and full of themself.
There is a simple, yet effective, way to deal with pinheads:
You shouldn’t Google yourself, or read your reviews, or seek out what others are saying about you, good or bad. None of it matters. The only people that matter are those in your inner circle. The rest of the world has no power over you unless you allow it.
Don’t allow it. There will always be negative people. There will always be trolls. There will always be pinheads. It isn’t your job to deal with them. They aren’t worth your time.
If you don’t have people who disagree with you, dislike you, and want you to fail, you aren’t living up to your potential.
Q: But Joe, someone just gave me a one star review for no reason at all.
A: Ignore them.
Q: But I only have a few reviews, and that blew my four star average.
A: If it is against the site’s rules, report the review. But you’d be better off not reading your reviews in the first place. Readers aren’t stupid. They can sniff out hateful one-star reviews the same way they can sniff out phony five-star reviews.
Q: What if the review misrepresents the book? Should I reply?
A: In 99.99% of circumstances, you shouldn’t reply to a review. On a very rare occassion (like this one) you can add a comment. But always be gracious, and keep your tone respectful.
Q: But what if someone really hurt my feelings? What should I do?
A: Have a beer and talk to your best friend. But don’t respond to the pinhead.
Q: Don’t you respond to pinheads on your blog?
A: I control my blog, and I don’t mind being trolled. But if things get out of hand, I kick people out and delete their comments. The only place you’ll have similar power is on your own blog. Everywhere else on the Internet, you should ignore them.
Q: You said to ignore them, but you just admitted that sometimes you don’t ignore them.
A: There aren’t many absolutes in life. There will usually be exceptions. But overall your best bet is to leave the tools in the toolbox. Don’t engage. Don’t respond. Ignore them.
Q: But this pinhead/review/comment is hurting my sales. How can I ignore that?
A: If you’re writing good books, one person/review/comment won’t hurt your sales. A hundred people/reviews/comments won’t hurt your sales.
Q: But I’m being systematically targeted by a cadre of haters who stalk me 24/7.
A: In very, very, very rare cases, you can involve the authorities. But my guess is you’re just being overly touchy. The baddest of the bad people on the Internet thrive on provoking responses. If you don’t respond, you take away their power.
Q: What if other people see those lies about me? Shouldn’t I reply?
A: No. And give people some credit. Do you ever Google someone, find something negative someone said about them, and assume that’s all there is to know? Or do you research further?
EVERY celebrity has haters. EVERY author has one star reviews. You aren’t being persecuted. Don’t take it personally, because you’re not that special. You’re just one of billions of Internet users who have been trolled. Welcome to the human race.
Q: But what about intelligent discourse? Do I need to avoid all debate?
A: Debate those who debate respectfully. Ignore those who don’t.
Q: Why are there so many pinheads on the Internet?
A: Human beings have a desire for control. It’s genetic. For some, the need for control extends beyond self. Some people with certain personality disorders (sociopaths, grandiose narcissists, those with low self-esteem and/or small penises) need to control others in order to feel good about themselves. One way to control someone is to tweak their emotional response.
That’s why you shouldn’t engage. If you don’t like what someone says, the greatest gift you can give that pinhead is to react.
Ignore them. Write that on a Post-It note if you have to and stick it to your monitor.
No one else cares if people are saying shit about you. The only one who cares is you. You need to pay more attention to your writing, and no attention to the pinheads.
Now turn off Google Alerts and get back to work.